48th Post

I'm sorry blogger, www.myspace.com has almost taken over

It's pretty sad to see people get sucked into conformity, esp when those people are the people that you look up to be the one's that don't ever do such things. I can safely say that i have had a myspace WAY longer than anyone else.

On the other hand, HS and conformity are ment for eachother, it isn't a crime to try to get some fun out of it. I dont know.

So turkey day came and went, last year around the same time i was in love with someone else, she knows who she is.

Christmas came and santa brought me a TI-89. I still need to read the manual. And Battlefield 2 .that game pwns. I cant wait to go back to school so i can get my cable so i can play online and get my ass kicked by 1337 players.

My sister came, i cant believe she left, i miss her. I like how we get along and stuff. I guess because she has gone through it and she knows how i feel.

Next step college, yea, college, i said it. I'm going to DeVry in phoenix. Ive been accepted and everything. Im scared, excited, and bummed out. I like El Paso, but i cant let this momentum just pass, gotta keep moving.

im going to miss everyone here, from you to that kid i don't know the name of...but what am i REALLY leaving behind? i dont know either. I mean it feels like my friends just dont give a shit about me, i havent received any calls, any holiday greetings, anything. kinda sux, but i dont care, i was never the most outgoing one either. I guess im too picky and shit. I cant blame them. But now i look back, fuck i really am a loser, but do i REALLY care? The answer is no, i live haply.

It's pretty sick how our group of people kinda ended up. Everyone is looking for the next person to "love". I find it pointless, you can't force it, thought i am not the one to talk, but it's just sad to see everyone stressed about having someone. I mean, i see some of these couples, is making out and fucking all that there is to a relationship? Is just talking and keeping your hands to yourself a relationship? commitment of that sort comes with all those things, physical and emotional. I don't know, i need a friend, someone to talk to. I have them, but they have girlfriends, it's like a dripping faucet. I just dont feel comfortable, i have been fucked over too many times, but then again... im probably just not leting the past go. I am too scared of getting my shit ruined i dont know what the hell to do. Thank goodness for VACATION! w00t!

Love, it is over used.
bye

47th Post

I new from the begining that i'd be braindead by noon.

I knew from the begining of my shift that i would become one of them. Yea one of them, they stand in the line man, fuckin hanging their heads wishing they werent there. But they have to feed the kids. Man i cant be like that. Thanx God that i (thnink) am going to college. I wonder who will miss me, i wonder who'll forget me. All i know fuckin bugging people, making them answer questions on laundry detergent isnt a life for me. It's sad how fast you get accustomed to the routine, fuckin- "hello, yes im Mike-Jones" Fuckin tool man. I feel abused, but its absurd to think this way mainly because im the one who brought it to myself. Man i need to fuckin ruin my shit, i need some more flexibility on things, fuckin it sux.
VERBATIM, how i hate it.
I dont like to be linear, i hate the fact that when i make a person laugh i run the risk of being fired. It isnt me, i now see how people become alcoholics.
Meet quota, fuck that, look at the statistics, it is impossible without devine intervention.
I cant wait to get on break, thn at least i can talk to people i care about.
Break is the best. I can collect myself, recount my braincells. I feel like meat now, not fuckin pussy ass vegetable.
A job, a fuckn brick wall one side, the good, the other the soviet oppresion. Anythin is better.

Thnxgivin was fun. My cousin came from out of town, she is cool.

My sister came, but she left early, i was sad but im glad she is doin so well.

My brother gave us some news, a serious conversation at the breakfast table. Maybe ill write about it later.

Myspace is my favorite time waster next to AA.

I think ill lose my mind if i dont find somethin to pacify.

I have Cal homework that i didnt do because i didnt get my password. God help me.

Yea, im completely pointless, thanx for noticing, i cant wait until i find a new adventure to bitch and moan about. YAY EMO!

Fever dog scratching at my front door.

I like the fact that people take the time to read this. Thnx guys/gals!

46th Post

So….band was fun [/awkward]
(if u don’t get it go to any forum that uses BB)

Yea, its time for me to hit the fan and see what ive been missing. Im fuckin screwd over to finally grow the fuck up. It’s time. Id like to thank everyone who has helped me retain my childhood. But with the closing of a life of music and ensemble I realize that im a fuckin freshman in the world. Now is the time for me to gather my things and move to the next phase of life. Yea, even if I wanted to stay, I don’t really have a choice. It’s not like I can quit life… (w00t, EMO!)

In any case, I find it weird how everything leads to everything else, the universe is a huge place, its pimp how everythin is connected. Class ends a new place. Another town another place, another road, another face. We are the road-crew.

So I got a new fone , its pimp…by pimp I mean there is no antenna to break, the perfect thing for me! YAY!

Fuck, now I need to figure out what college to go to. Im thinking seriously about DeVry, why? Mainly because they have a bachelors program for Computer Engineering, and because Cisco, gives me money to go there. Another road I can take is the pre-Engineering at Community, I like it because I get to stay in El Paso another year. Ill finally get to see this Juarez place ive been hearing about. YAY!

I need a new friend….To become my friend just fill this simple Questionare…

1. Name?

2. Nick name?

3. Finally…Are you Mac Enough?

Just add that to a comment you will leave.

OHHHHHH YEA!
Ive recently been hearing a lot of Oasis. Wtf aye? Suddenly everyone is a die-hard fan of a Beatles nearly-cover band. (if you are too stupid to see why, I suggest you listen to REAL music, not shit that is fed to you by a) MTV b)People you probly should NOT be following c)Carlos Nieto)
No really, someone tell me why all of a sudden Oasis is the IT thing, fuckin phonys. And quit overplaying Wonderwall. It should be played with meaning….wait, its about to lose it once done in interpretive dance. Fuck im pissed. Next thing you know people will be suddenly learning Spanish to please their aristocratic leader because they suddenly got the urge to listen to Caifanes. Wait a minute…..if that is you please fill out the questionare! w00t!

Man being grown up rocks! [/joke]
….in fact it’s cold as hell..

45th Post

Man, I hope they don’t ask for the cookie back.

When was the last time I updated this thing? Fuck I need to get my shit straight. Oh well. Fucking Calculus is kicking my ass…hard. It sucks being the jerk that can’t get his shit together in that class.

I hate not updating but I don’t gots time, and when I do I am usually doing a bunch of pointless stuff, meh. But this time I'm serious, I will update! Especially since I gots this new app from Blogger, It lets me do shit on word so I wont have to go through the hassle of a web browser.

As for the past couple months, just fucking school and band and her have been keeping me busy, but I like em all. It is fun I am really enjoying this year, it just sux it’s all over in May. Fuck it, no regrets man.

My car is acting up, but what are u going to do?

Marching season is almost over and it hurts a lot… I am going to miss it, but I can’t wait for fucking San Antonio its going to pwn,

Now for the fun stuff, it seems that we have the tightest trumpet section around, after fucking TOB we had a little shindig for all the trumpets and what not, all the other schools seemed very uptight I guess, and we were like the only ones that seemed to have fun. So it makes me happy that our trumpet section is just there to fuck around, and we are the only group of trumpets that actually laugh together. I like that we are so cool.

(I’m sorry none of this shit makes scence, but I’m fucking tired, I only had fucking 3 hours of sleep last night. I am dying writing this. I need a nap.)

Holloweenie is coming! YAY, I don’t know what ill be but its going to be fun, I get to go trick or treat with Melina!!!!! YAY! I really want to go because in the past years we always had competition on those days and we never got a chance to trick or treat, and now its going to be awesome because I actually gots friends! How cool is that! ….yes.

Anyway, I will now start to update as often as I can. I really need to

(OMD my 45th post!!??!)

Anyways,
Thank you all for coming out and I hope I passed the audition

44th Post

(i r delta o_O)


(if u dont get it, just ask)

Yea im losing it, but u gotta admit....i donno, im just talking




gnight

43rd Post

Carrots and eggs man.
Yea, thats it, fuck all u people, dont care about me enough to say, " when r u going to update that pimptacualr blog of yours?" Yea, i know i always rant about that but its nice to know if people actually read this shit. Anyways, the buisness. Yea, the only thing that has happend is fuckin i took my yearbook foto. I came out fuckin retarded lookin, i swear fuckin that guy from the goonies is better lookin...whats his name, you know the italian one. yea, i fuckin kame out like a fuckin duche...

Im sad, why? because i havent talked to my good friend Tanya, donno why, it sux because i feel we are drifting away, fuck she was cool, i liked fuckin talkin to her, you know in that way where u both learn shit from eachother, like that book Tuesdays with Morrie. Yea thats a fuckin good book, dont ask how i even managed to pick it up, but that shit will change ur life and shit. Yea man, im writing this shit in like less that 5 fuckin minutes, just had to do a fuckin brain dump.

Fuckin school is fuckin gay and shit, i think im going to suck it in fuckin Calculus, why? i dont know i get lazy and dont study then we get hit with a fuckin gay fuckin assignment and i get fucked over and shit, its frustrating.

My gf is pimpzor, she is so cute. Like not in a gross way, but u know that cute that you just dont want to ever let go because it makes you feel good, yea, like that fuckin Pedigree comercial for the puppy mix. Yea like that just in a cute hot chick kinda way. I swear im not fuckin jelouse of anything, but sometimes i just kinda get like a teeny tiny bit, i dont know it fucks me up inside, because i swear i dont want to be that way, but i guess its normal, im just glad she hasnt mentioned her other BF, i mean, ignorance is bliss no?

Hey, if anyone reads this, please post who you are, i kinda want to get a base if you do read. Just say hi and put your name, that would be pimp.

This weekend my cousins came to visit. It was fun but like many other times, we were stranded and had nothin to do. I wish i wasnt such a loser bitch, oh well, what can ya do?

Im sad i didnt see my GF all weekend.(suck it bitches) It was her birthday.

I like the rain. It makes ya think.

Im tring to become ambidextrous, that would be totally freekin awsome. Im gettin better at fuckin writing with my right hand, and i can throw shit pretty good.

So yea, post me a comment, THNX

....And to all a good night!

42nd Post

It all has to end some time....

Fuck im pissed that my vacation is over. I wish i could just have one more week. but meh, what ar u gonna do? I got my new grafix card in the mail about 2 days ago. Installed it the second i got it. The case was sooooooo dusty. I dont know why my processor didnt fail. There were so many dust bunnys. It was disgusting. Ive been looking at my Cal book and i decided it would be my hardest class. being how it is my ONLY AP class. but i had to look through the book just to make sure. Half of this stuff doesnt even make sence to be in the same paragraph.

I went to freshman camp. Looks like i will get me a fresh bitch. Taylor is still annoying, but i think i can fuck up some freshman morale, i just dont know who will be the one.

Pendleton never looks me in the eye any more. Its funny i think. To think, we used to talk, but alas my time is come to say our woefull...... i donno, we just have to be able to do the small talk or else im going to have to find new..er friends. I mean, i know he isnt giving up his current friends right now, he is too much of a loser to make any. I dont know why im ranting. But in any case, im pretty sure id lose at that , mainly because he is like that fuckin rock in the middle of something important. you know you could probably get rid of it, but its too deep in, and it would take too much work to take it out. so u just meander(sorry just wanted to say that word) about and just kinda get used to its pointless ness..

i miss my syster, she was 'teh fun'

on a lighter note. I am doin pretty well w/my gf. she is cool. We never argue, wich is kinda weird because ive been known to argue just randomly. wich brings up a point...mabe im just conforming, am i tired of all of it? tired of all the work i put into my pointless ness? tired of just being around those that can cause me to break? just conforming? or is she the one that conforms to suit me? does she avoid the whole mixup all together to make me happy? or does she do it to keep me from knowing her true secret? her true self? her othr boyfriend????? or is she like some sort of pirate zombie whos goal is to infiltrate the young minds while they are still in hs so that they can build an army of brainwashed children/zombies and then when they have the army they will revolt against the whole 'why dont we sleep during the day, besides its cooler at night' then we will because as u know, even a sniper cant kill the undead, then we will spend all our resources on keeping the land lit, then the in the underground they will have that room like in Dr. Strangelove, just with more delagates, just think the UN on steroids, renamed UNoS, they will be making a plot to make a huge revolution to kill all the zombies by making them run off cliffs and sending them to a "tour" to the sun, because as you know, they are extreamly clumzy off cliffs and zombies are eazyly killed in space unlike Freeza.....(fukin morons, dont you people know how to kill a zombie, cliffs and space) . and all the while she is making this army of idiot kids, she is having those gothic orgys ive been hearing about,AHHHH!!!! im going to go cry myself to sleep...or mabe im over reacting. but the fact that she is having those unprotected gothic orgys gets to me... or even worse another BF.... now she can let him down easy, but in a month its over.

I win!!! ................................no i dont....
damn

41st Post

[diz post bee about me fun luck in New England!]
God damn it. you people suck..

[rant]i havent posted in nearly * months and you people dont care enogh to say, "hey you there boy..update ur blog bizznach!" Is that really too hard? [/rant] (if u dont get the joke dont bother askin)

In anycase i went to New England to go to my cousins graduation it was nice. I went to boston, it pwns, it was nice. But then, the road trip. That was the funtastic part. See me and bernie went on a crazy adventure. See the thing is that my uncle was leaving a day ahead of us, so he decided to leave a day ahead so he wouldnt have to go the 2hour commute to the airport at 4 oclock in the mornin. So we go, and we stay at a nice hotel....so we thought. After stealing cerrial from the little breakfast area. (xzibitA)
(Exibit A!)

We went back to the room to see what "travesuras" we could do, but we really didnt get to the room, we just kinda parked ourselves in the hallway and started talking. Then we saw the word fire and decided to see what was in there. This is the turning point of our little getaway, when we opend it there was...well, you can see for yourself in xzibit B
(Exibit B!)

So scarry when we thought about it that i almost fainted. Or was it that we were laughin so hard?
(Exicibit C)

Then we fell asleep

The next morning we get a phone call that the whole family was going to migrate from maine, to the airport in new hampshere. They told us we would be staying in a town not to far away from our current location. So now, me and bernie are left alone in the middle of New Hampshere, with nothin to do but go and shop because as we all know, this state is TAX FREE!!!!YAY! $$$ Later, we decided to go to the hotel they had directed us to. We ask the locals and find out the hotel is in a little town about 30 min from our location. Soon enough we are off. Yes, we get to the town, We go right since the left looked uninhabited and the same scene from fuckin Psyko. So we drive, this place looks nice. Not at all odd. about 5 min of driving we find this pimptacular ice-cream stand.

Bet you cant see why me and bernie found this pun xtreamly funny. ( yea, us neither)

Good soft serve

So we drive. 15 min later, we find the COOLEST THING EVER!!!!1111on3oneone. We both say doubleyou-tee-ef and AWSOME! at the same time, guess what it is.....If you guessed Church made DOJO you are correct.

I AM THE EGG-MAN, THEY ARE THE EGG-MEN!

I AM THE WALRUS!

GOO-GOO GAJOOB

(if you dont get the last one, that is where a nativity scene is supposed to go, i use supposed loosely)

Lets put this one in for good measure

but do we stop and turn around? after all we did manage to zoom through a wormwhole where middle schools turn into morman sects, and morman sects turn into THAT, not to mention the roadside ALWAYS repeats itself, go a mile a shaws, go a mile trees. IT KEEPS LOOPING!. No we dont, we stay on course, i plead to bernie, "turn back the glitch in the space time continue-um only lasts for a given number of time" noo, we go straight into the OTHER TOWN. Eventually we make it back past our wormhole and realize we should of went Left. Not 3min to the left we find the hotel.there we just shoot the shit and i watch the Braves lose. I never win....

regards.

!!The Good Guy!! <---------------Doesnt know why he said regards

40th Post

(Holy crap, im 40, id like to thank all you blokes who helped me accomplish this "feat?" i donno, im still a loser)

Two month Sanitarum from the internet

Tht summs up my whole time of non posting, see, i realized life has to be a balance between, life and the internet, or as i like to call it now a days( the information superhighway, like it? i invented it!). This doesnt meen i will abandon all my internet gimps, (pimp status only granted with live encounters) it just means i wont be online as often. I just need alot of time by myself to make up for not being by myself? get it? yea, only a few elite people get it. but seriously folks, i havent had my ME time. You know? that time when you just meditate with your thoughts, read, analyse just about everything. It is a complex tranquil simple state of mind that a person just needs to better understand their lives. But i am not just making up stuff of not havin enough me time. here are the facts
FACT- I have a cousin who i love to death, but it is impossible to get ANYTHING done when he is around
FACT- I have this crazy idea that i need to sometimes talk to a person to accomplish certain things, no one is up at 3AM anymore*
FACT- Jesus and Moses used guns to defeat the egyptians

There you have it folks i need some time to figure it out, lets see, how many times have i said that over this thing? I dont know, i lost count...fuck, i am a reject.

Anyways, this time away from the "Information Super Highway", or ISH, has been a great way to realize how pretty EVERYTHING is, from a persons inner soul that seeps through her eyes, to the shadow of a brick wall at 7:30am, the time you set an appointment with that person you NEED to talk to. This time away, was nice, i cant really complain, xcept for the fact that u lose contact with some cool people. but it was nothin regretable, you can always make up. I really need to make better connections with some people, on and offline.

This time was also full of random crap. here are some pix of my time away, just draw ur own conclusions.
It started like this....






(i bet you cant tell who the flag girls were, the outcasts, the reject, or who the good guy was!)

Anyways, ill see you later ;-)
VENNI VETTI VECCI

39th Post

Gaging, seagulls, egg, and a nap

Yea, life at the moment is so fucking random, its awsome! I just cant get enough of it, too bad school is coming up and everything will go back to its linear self. Shmeh. But anywho, why is it if you start gaging other people around you will do the same, it could get you in trouble though, believe me. Those 2 days of no action can really tear a man appart....oh no, ive said too much.

Why is it when people think of polution they think of that giant trash pile floating on a raft. And all you see are dumnass seaguls* kinda eating the garbage for some reason. all the while you see the scene as a whole, initially you become disgusted but for some reason you cannot stop looking at it.
(for those of you who know, the above was an attempt to make some logic out of nothing, i think i did ok).

My cousin and i are trying to make a moovie, but i dont put any effort into it when he wants to, and he doesnt put any effort when i want to. As we bicker about our ideas, we tend to look at the total cost, more than the actual meaning, and we are trying to put in way too much stuff. We need to keep it centered but we are just all over the place. A sniper here, a suit there, AAO opfor there....oh no, ive said too much

On thursday, i took a nap. "look at that maw, ive gurplunk said to little" ....oh no, i try to hard

anywho, im done, life is pretty calm right now, but im not done!

now i am,
ADIEU!
[no seagulls were harmed in making of this post]


*an artist rendition of a full seagull at rest

38th Post

[this is kinda old, but same rules apply for this weekend, i just never got around to finish it. today is 3-20-05 time is 2:03AM -7]

No flag girls=male emotions in a flailing commotion
Yes, the day started out ok, but soon we all realized that no flag girls were at school. Some ditched, some pondered, i did none of the sort, im stable. Sure i missed her, but thats it, no backtrack, no nothing just thinkin about how my weekend is going to be. but then i see everyone, they have no emotional vent, it is funny. So no vent means problems, all the while im sitting back and absorbing shit, its funny in a way because everyone wont open up because they havent gotten comfortable with situations between themselves. some are just pussys, others are feeling betrayed, others just dont know what to do. It's a curious funny type deal.

[above was intended for March 5th weekend]

this weekend's entery is like this...
No flag girls=male emotions in a flailing commotion:
Yes, the day started out ok, but soon we all realized that no flag girls were at school. Some ditched, some pondered, i did none of the sort, im stable. Sure i missed her, but thats it, no backtrack, no nothing just thinkin about how my weekend is going to be. but then i see everyone, they have no emotional vent, it is funny. So no vent means problems, all the while im sitting back and absorbing shit, its funny in a way because everyone wont open up because they havent gotten comfortable with situations between themselves. some are just pussys, others are feeling betrayed, others just dont know what to do. It's a curious funny type deal.

Its about the same (not identical, i added a colon; semicolons are for rejects....damn.), but now i am definitely happy to have a girl at my side. Some crazy stuff you can talk with her. I miss her.

That's it for now, im making 2 posts...in one night....im a loser.

bye!

37th Post

I'm going to miss my pockets.
It seems old man winter is dead, fairwell old fool, we harldly new yee. but with the passing of a season, comes change in fashion, so i will be minus 2 pockets. approximatly 20 sq cm of storage space gone. That will mean more shit in my pants pockets. I already have carmex, cell-fone, pencil(for security reasons), wallet, gum, keys, and Rush Limbauls pocket Guide to School Ethics . Well, you get the idea, now my pants are going to be all bulge-e and uncomfortable. unless i get some cargo pants, but sometimes i feel that the cargo part was only designed for added layers of kevlar to protect ya from bullets. I dont want to misuse the pocket.

but yesterday was funtastic, i went to the moovies with TheGirl (for now, gotta work the kinks). Yea, we had some fun, woo-ee boy, cant belive all we did, yep, that corn really pops. .... At least i think she enjoyed the time we had. But i was a bit nervouse for a while, and a stupid fucked up, uncalibrated gun ruined me. Ill mess his shit up. But i pwned her at Galaga. Fuck i rule.....well mabe i dont. Fuck off. i got kinda embarassed cause my car was fucking all messy and shit, i gotta carwash that thing and add some manlyer stickrs. and ...forget it, ill just clean the bitch up.

Also, valentines came and went, and i realized that !!The Good Guy!!> valentines day. Just ask me for the details. i also need to get a picture frame, to frame a picture that TheGirl gave me, it was an awsome gift. ill scan it in sometime. well thats it, not too much happenin xcept well, nevermind, alot is happening and i dont want to write anymore, and yea, i have a kick ass GF.

oh yea, i want to add some team members to this blog, they are just different authors and can post on this blog, isnt that awsome.... yea.
Just fill this application out, and mabe you too can be a !!Good Guy!!

The Good Guy Application
1. Why do u want to be a team member?
2. Will you contribute at least once a month?
3. Are you Good Guy enough?

[$10 says no one fills this shit out]

well i dont have anything witty to say to end this, so....
...Amarillo is where i'll be


[PS anyone have a good nickname for my newly aquired GF? I dont like using real names, unless i want to publicly humiliate ya, or am going on a deep rant, or i want to put a point accross, or you are my relative]

36th Post

"All that is now
All that is gone
All that’s to come
And everything under the sun is in tune
But the sun is eclipsed by the moon."

yea, that sums up alot of stuff from the past couple of weeks. I dont know why i havent posted. So much has happend....or not. lets see where to pick up the peices.....
1. i bought a 10,000,000 candle power spot light. It rocks, it can kill vampires.
2. i havent conversed with Tanya in a while.
3. i pussyed out on a chance to make out with a girl.
4. i am calmer i guess...
i am a loser, i feel like that nerd from American Splendor. pwnage from a leet nub....yea, i also gave up ALL video games (take that Zack!!!) finally, i made better friends with Melina. Oh yea, shit has been going down with alot of people, but i am oblivious, shmeh, i dont really care anymore. Fuck it, why dont i care? well, these past times havent been the best.just alot of events came all at onece, just at that time my life seemed simple and pure. I all i could do is laugh. :-)

just ask
Bye!

35th Post

Post 35, plain and true
[i originally started this post at 2:07am the 23th, i stopped because i got distracted reading some other stuff]
Tonight i had a small conversation with my friend Floyd. Hes cool the conversation started like this, earlyer he told me he was becomin insomiac....

Kumaku CN: the only thing u got comin from it is headache, a strong dislike of shows; vip, tx walker ranger, judge(insert dumnass judge name, also with insomnia ull start to watch shows; ET, Access hollywood, and every paid program in spanish, with insomnia also ensues hilarity with the late show with connan obrien, but insomnia also helps to try and figure out stuff, sometimes it will get so quiet, the only loud remarks are made in ur brain, and to solve them you will spend ur time writing journals, old memories, and reading books on phylosophy
Kumaku CN: do u really want to live that lifestyle?
Kumaku CN: oh dont forget the infactuation that will come with the show host of "life and style" joules asner
Kumaku CN: so i suggest u get some rest
Floyd [Not his real screen name u fools]: hehe, dude are u high?

From here we got into a sorta deep conversation. yea, i donno how that happend, it just did. I need to talk to some people, mabe that is why i am feelin different, lets see what happens. Yea i need to talk to alot of people acctually. I just need to be less of a pussy and just do it, gotta take it easy....hahhaahahasdpoasd kj;lk ajwe;lkj 4[erij apohn/ .

Im goin nuts...!!!!
By, buy, bi-, bye

34th Post

I dont give a fuck anymore.
No im not going to kill myself u ingrate. I just dont care about some stuff anymore.what's done is done, thats it. If there is a way to fix shit i would be 50-50 on it. some of this stuff was just too much to care about, and it lead nowhere, so fuck it. Now, im not saying if some stuff would change i wouldnt care, but for the time being, i just dropped it. So fuck it. If stuff would change, i would gather the peices and take it a step at a time. I guess i stoped caring because im too confused, all this crazyness just got me bored. i was goin in circles, and i couldnt gather information this whole time, it was just pointless to keep woring about it. Now i have droped it on the ground, NEER ME. It's not compleatly over. but i am just droping it for the time being, and when i do pick it up, i surely wont treat it the same.

On to further buisness,
my grandma is sick. I went to juarez to visit her, man, Mexico has the right idea. They have everything, roads that lead to nowhere, stop signs for U-Turns. People doin acid in the bathroom, dog's with no leash, kids with leashes, yep they got it goin on. I mean, i walk into to hospital on the door it says clearly, "NO ALIMENTO" and right under "NO NIñOS" (so i cant get the capital ñ, fuck off). So i walk in thinking this place would kick ass, it says no kids. I walk in, little kids walkin around, fuck. But about 3 of them are gettin yelled at and another one was crying, so it made up for it. In the corner there is a candy machine. Mexico likes to stick it to the man. Some of my family is waiting for us, i say hi, i go to the bathroom. There is a guy normal lookin, until i see his spoon, i leave. I'm waiting for them to admit us to see my grandma. Im entertained by my cousins 2 little girls, they are so cute, their hands are small enough to get peppomints and gum. Score. So my dad calls me to go into the other side where all the patients are at. He tells me to hold this water bottle. hmm...So we pass the receptionist, he goes up to the "guard" (this guy, he is just sitting there lookin at people pass by makin sure they have either, a green slip or something to give to a patient) he tryes to stop me, i just point he lets me go. We turn the corner, i see a plaza lined with hospital beds, IV drips, and some blood on patients, meh at least it doesnt smell like a nursing home. I say hi to my grandma, it gets awkward because neither her or i know wat to say, i leave, my dad stops me and asks me to leave the water bottle. So im back in the waiting room, i start to day dream and i look outside, the only thing that i get reminded of is some of the footage from Iraq. I mean there is everything from this long window that you would see in Baghdad. You got ur helicopter, desert, street corner, abandoned building, green taxi, poor guy, injured guy, hospital van. All you need is the soldiers and AK-47 on kids. I see this scenerio, snipers on roofs, soldiers in humvees drivin around on patrol with M1A1's at their sides. Hooah! or CommoRadio 0 9 for u AAO people ;) . i wish more people knew what Hooah ment, because, i know for a fact taht i look like a dumnass when i say it at school.

This is where i say goodbye,
Good Bye

(hehehehe, im leet)

33rd Post

...She packed my bags last night preflight
Yea this week sucks so much that i have to post in the middle of the week. first, i have Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" in my head, fuck i just said a lyric to the song. Damn him for making his catchy music. yea, this week sucked. My life has been sucking for a while.....at least socialy it has. Why does it bother me??? I guess cause im in highschool. I am a statistic. fuck, im ashamed for caring so much. On Saturday the 8th i talked to a friend, 7:45:06-7:49:25 it's amazing how gulible i am. less than 5 minutes weeks of confusion went away and in came a strange state of calmness. but that went away today, it took about 5 seconds. It was like when a match is struck and is thrown into a pile of TNT, at midflight you are pretty sure what is going to happen but u deny it. All the fucking steps happen, from denial to acceptance, this is what happens in less than a blink of an eye:
Stage One—shock, denial, numbness
Stage Two—fear, anger, depression
Stage Three—understanding, acceptance, moving on
Then, the match strikes....KABOOOOOM!!!!!!! your spread all over the wall. All my thoughts are back out and im at square one, but at least i hit stage 3. but do i want to move on with all this baggage still lingering about. ill give it a week, then the train will leave i have to stop doing this to myself. Also today i was called a liar. i hate that, i mean, i fucking lie, but if u catch me i fucking come out and say it. ill deny it, but ill crack that instant and spew out what was i hiding, and the reasons behind my lie. most of the time its just to cover up a friend or to cover somethng pointless. But even if i do lie for something HUGE, it is a good reason that would take pages of text to explain why. fuck i dont like to lie, mainly because i have nothin to hide, nothin to lose. even if i do have something big to lose or gain, it is too much on my concience, so ill just say it. I am not a crook.

This week i found out i cannot set a fucking clock, see, on tuesday i found a small alarm clock, i needed one since my brother took mine. So i set the clock. Next days i figure i shouldnt mention i have a new clock since it would be pointless. That night i am supposed to call someone at a certain time, i do but no answer....damn. i tryed 3 times, and sent a text message. Fuck, in the morning i wake up, fuck its 804 i take the fastest shower ever, fuck im late for science fair and i still need to print some shit out. I go to my computer, eating my breakfast, drying my hair, and brushing my teeth all at onece. AHH!!!! i look at the time.....it fucking says 730. my mom wakes up and makes fun of me....i feel like a dip, and i just blew my shot at a fonecall and conversation. The odd thing is that i saw the clock on the computer at night before i called one of the times. It said 1:05 on my computer, and 2:05 on my new clock. I want to screen myself to see if im becomeing dislecsic.

Thats all i have to say,
bye

32nd Post

Just call me Cap'n Crunch
When did i become this cursing salor pirate jerk guy?....wait, nevermind. I think i need to stop cussing so much, fuck, its fun to cuss, i mean what is so bad about it anyway? i just dont think it looks good i do it, but i do it so much its hard to stop. FUCK! Fuck the perfect word, a verb, adjetive, a noun, a pronoun, a term used for EVERY part of the english language. But i say nay to thee, i need to stop. I mean you would think i would of learned my leason a while ago when we went to San Antonio (trip was archived, look for it, worth the read) But did i learn? No. but i need to stop cussing

This week sucked, i lost all my science fair results, but thanks to my ability to invent and cleanly make a point on the spot, i have until monday to turn in my project. Pwnage. Pie>Carlos>Chemistry. This week i have also been very stupid i guess, i cant seem to get a handle on myself, Im lost. But today it was fun. we went to the movies, to eat, and chilled for a while. but the one person i need to talk to i cant, because i just i dont know, i dont feel like its the right time during the times i see her. I like to be correct on my timing. Also this week i have been super distracted, more than usual. I hear my name being called, or people say hi, i just say hi but i never really see the person. Then i think i have compleately ignored some people compleately. I wound up realizing that more than onece this week i have seen people i know, it's not like they are in front of me, but they are close enough to make that second of eye contact to say hello, but i did not realize they were there. I am sorry.

Well that does it for me, the rest of this weekend i am blowing it on hoemwork. I hate school.

Good-bye, farewell, (2word phrase to say bye), buh-bye [it counts, now shove it]

31st Post

Back to square one.
Here i am again, i have to do a pile of homework but its the middle of the night and im updating this thing. Fuck im a loser. I have been looking through my archives and about 50% of them i start with saying "Fuck i have alot of homework". No wonder i have such low grades. But it was fun while it lasted. Right now i need to stop lookin back, and live in the present. Shit is not the same as it was 3months ago. Fuck. It sux now, i have no gf, no band, no friends, and no one to talk to....well mabe not that bad. But right now i need to find myself, be myself, and show myself.I am lost. I am kind of sad too. I dont want to give a fuck anymore, but i cant drop sertain things. FUCKYDY FUCK FUCK. See and the sad thing is that i know i will look back and say "fuck i was really over reacting at that age". That is insane. Mabe i am just thinkn about this way too much, or making everything too complicated, or taking everything to hard. I hate myself....so if i hate myself, i cant find myself is that it? Im not facing reality. That is the question. So now i will be clearing myself of everything, just fucking all the bullshit, then i will gather the facts on who i am, then just be myself. FUCK, why is it hard to clear my head!! I used to be able to do it so easily. I guess i need some closure, and time....

So today was the first day of school. Man i hate school, everthing is just a waste of time. I'm getting tired of everyone, but i havent talked to anyone. I am in a bad moood. School sucked, i found out i need to do my science project by tomorrow, but i lost all my results, i hope miss blow gives me an extention. Fuck i hate her, the bitch wont fucking give me the extention, first of all she hates me, secondly she knows i hate her, and lastly i know she didnt have a Happy vacation because the bitch has no family, all she has is a fucking picture of her decaying mother. Fuck chemistry. Fuck i hate myself right now, im taking all my anger out on the people who dont need it. I am fucking confused, and i hate it when i dont know how to solve something. Fuck im pissed at the world and not myself, why hate myself when its easyer to hate soemthing else? I need to solve some shit. Fuck im a lunatic

Lost since birth...ME

Buh bye.

30th Post

A new year, a new prespective.
Fuck, i need to go back to my humble roots. It's amazing what attention can do to ya. Just fucking not knowing what u want. And not knowing who you really are. It all leads to a big ball of fucked up shit that doesnt slow down, and keeps growing. Fuck, its the new year. A Happy New Year? Well ill just wait and see. But i can either be pro or agains it. I need to fucking be myself. Im just rambling on, some of this stuff doesnt make scence, but do i care? I dont know. I recently re-read some of my old posts....im dissapointed to see that i lost myself. It was apparent through my writing. Why didnt i see it coming? This year i need to fucking just fucking, fuck, be myself i guess. But first i would need to find who i trully am. Its something i have been wondering for years now. (no its not bs, i know what ur thinknin) but its just fucking shit i have to sort through. Fucking. why did i change? I dont like what i have become. It's time to pick up the peices and start again. Over the past months i have found out alot of shit about myself, some good some bad, but it is going to help to paint a picture of me. Then once i get a real feel for me, i can then tweek myself to become who i feel comfortable being. Fuck, i know it sounds like im talkn alot of shit, but fuck, i cant really xplain it anybetter. but now some changes are goin on, see, this blog was made to fucking help me find about me, not to archive every agonizing moment of my life, so from now on, untill i get back into my old writing habbits, there will no longer bee cool images, or fucking long pointless storys....well, not alot of pointless storys. Oh one last thing, compare an old story such as post 4 compared to 26. please tell me what is different, my style of writing chnaged alot. I need to write like me, not some college washout who managed to make a website interesting for a kid in highschool to find funny and "oh so true". so please...but fucking, dont flame too harshly. Well im done, fuck this.

Good Bye

29th Post

Ill fill this one in later, it involeves an AK-47, M-16, a funny hat, and snow. I want my 30th post to be the one i(OFFICIALLY) kick off the year with.