33rd Post

...She packed my bags last night preflight
Yea this week sucks so much that i have to post in the middle of the week. first, i have Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" in my head, fuck i just said a lyric to the song. Damn him for making his catchy music. yea, this week sucked. My life has been sucking for a while.....at least socialy it has. Why does it bother me??? I guess cause im in highschool. I am a statistic. fuck, im ashamed for caring so much. On Saturday the 8th i talked to a friend, 7:45:06-7:49:25 it's amazing how gulible i am. less than 5 minutes weeks of confusion went away and in came a strange state of calmness. but that went away today, it took about 5 seconds. It was like when a match is struck and is thrown into a pile of TNT, at midflight you are pretty sure what is going to happen but u deny it. All the fucking steps happen, from denial to acceptance, this is what happens in less than a blink of an eye:
Stage One—shock, denial, numbness
Stage Two—fear, anger, depression
Stage Three—understanding, acceptance, moving on
Then, the match strikes....KABOOOOOM!!!!!!! your spread all over the wall. All my thoughts are back out and im at square one, but at least i hit stage 3. but do i want to move on with all this baggage still lingering about. ill give it a week, then the train will leave i have to stop doing this to myself. Also today i was called a liar. i hate that, i mean, i fucking lie, but if u catch me i fucking come out and say it. ill deny it, but ill crack that instant and spew out what was i hiding, and the reasons behind my lie. most of the time its just to cover up a friend or to cover somethng pointless. But even if i do lie for something HUGE, it is a good reason that would take pages of text to explain why. fuck i dont like to lie, mainly because i have nothin to hide, nothin to lose. even if i do have something big to lose or gain, it is too much on my concience, so ill just say it. I am not a crook.

This week i found out i cannot set a fucking clock, see, on tuesday i found a small alarm clock, i needed one since my brother took mine. So i set the clock. Next days i figure i shouldnt mention i have a new clock since it would be pointless. That night i am supposed to call someone at a certain time, i do but no answer....damn. i tryed 3 times, and sent a text message. Fuck, in the morning i wake up, fuck its 804 i take the fastest shower ever, fuck im late for science fair and i still need to print some shit out. I go to my computer, eating my breakfast, drying my hair, and brushing my teeth all at onece. AHH!!!! i look at the time.....it fucking says 730. my mom wakes up and makes fun of me....i feel like a dip, and i just blew my shot at a fonecall and conversation. The odd thing is that i saw the clock on the computer at night before i called one of the times. It said 1:05 on my computer, and 2:05 on my new clock. I want to screen myself to see if im becomeing dislecsic.

Thats all i have to say,
bye