Jealousy: A new frontier

This weekend my girlfriend went to a Kanye West concert in Albuquerque. I miss her, I wish she wasn't far away, but she's with her parents, brother, and a friend. I guess it's a normal feeling. This helped me realize something, something that has been stowed away deep in my intimate emotions I have towards Melina. I'm jealous of her fantasies, mainly because she, somehow meets all of mine.

I won't say that I haven't fallen in lust with various... countless... movie actresses and other women, but any time I do think about that, I always count my blessings and realize I have a companion that can't be beat.

For the past two and a half years I've done this.

I'm not the jealous type, I really don't care if she talks to guys, goes to party with her friends, or if she says, "This guy hit on me today and he was really funny, charming, and good looking." (Okay, she's never said that, exactly) None of it really bothers me, I know the game, If the bitch don't have a ring, she's available. But I trust her, she trusts me, and we're happy.

Lately, I've come to notice that she is particularly weak against certain, physical and personal attributes in the opposite sex. It started with a comment, in laymans terms it was, "I like black guys." TO ME, it sounded like, "I'm going to ditch your fat-ass for a black guy". I don't know why, it's not that I'm racist or prejudice, or have anything against black guys, but the fact that MY girlfriend is into a certain group of adult males, it struck a nerve. At that point I felt vulnerable, I mean, black guys are good looking. So like any other guy, I just put up a tough guy attitude, laughed it off, and let it claw at me from the inside.

Then, the rain came. It started to go into detail.

"(Some singer/actor/deuchebag that I've never heard of) is so sexy"

"OMG, freekin' sexy voice"

"He is so sexy I'd marry him"

"When I marry sexy (insert famous black guy)..."

 

Then, she twittered:

"Oh my god Pharrel williams is fckn sexy as hell!!! Ay!!! I'll

give him a lap dance for free even though i cant do that shit..."

WTF! I want to be sexy too! [I'm cracking up, writing this, you know, to offset the tears]

It's not like she's never told me that another actor is good looking. But, the fact that I have no idea who the hell she's referring to, makes me uneasy, it brings that human aspect to them. Like she's going to go see them and do something. It doesn't help that it's just about looks. It's never, "I think he is a great guy and I want to have lunch with him and talk about subjects that affect us emotionally." I take that back, THAT would completely demoralize me. ):

Good night.

[The thing is that I know Melina CAN get good looking guys, and CAN be a flirt. Then, when you compare me to the caliber of people she can attract. Add on top that she has particular tastes. Also note that I'm not exactly the most attractive/smooth cereal/cool person out there. Then add that this feeling does demoralize, weaken, and saddens me....]

 

I'm sad now.