52nd Post

Friends will always let you down. Family is the only thing you can depend on.

Pissed isnt the word to described it. Neither is angry for that matter. Not even frustrated, let's just say that i am lost. Again. Fuck. But this time i feel even more alone, more separated, and more confused. I really don't know what is wrong with me. I think i am bitter. Yea, thats the word. Bitter. I can't smile. I can't recieve the good things without looking at the bad. I don't know why. I am just being a steriotipical HS person. We have to go through it, some of us hide it very well. But onece again ill use my blog to vent. What to say about my situation right now......
I am not sure if i have any friends. I feel like no one is giving me the time to talk, everyone seems to of forgotten about me. No one has called. Yea, it's a bit emo, but you can just shut the fuck up. No one remembers old carlos. And my couple of "Friends" havent spoken to me or even tryed to. Which sucks because i know they have gone out and shit. No one even cares to give me the time of day. Im not pissed. Nor sad, or even disturbed about this. I knew it was going to happen, but why does it bother me, that it ISN'T bothering me? It's kind of hard for me to care about anything. Once again, bitter.

It's funny how little i know my "friends" even the close ones. It is funny that you can acctually count on one hand the ammount of people i have had a good conversation, im not saying a deep or intimate one, just a decent conversation. It is really pathetic if you think about it. But its my fault. I am antisocial, anti-derivitive ;-), and a big fucking prick ass pussy. Fuck me.

My name is Depresio. And the few people that do read this. Will do so on their own terms. Only caring about making themselves feel better when they say something nice and I give a fake smile. Fucking self-serving mofo's :) [Yea, it may not be all of you, i know who is true. Ty, but dont worry im just being an emo child right now. ^_^]


What more can i say.

All my "friends" are self-serving pricks like me. but fuck, sometimes you just need to fucking actually CARE. I know i do, i try so hard to make everyone confortable, be fair, and just be a FRIEND. I don't even care if people notice, but damn. It sure would be nice if I didn't have to beg someone to hang out with them. Im not pissed, or angry. Im just trying to make cence of it all.

Everything i do, i do it from the heart. People don't know that. Just thought it put it on the table


"....but i tell you; This whole time I never did find out if he was on drugs or just retarded. Well, good night :-)"